What I Want to be When I Grow Up

Are you what you wanted to be when you were little?

If I haven’t been a diligent blogger of late, it’s because I’ve been preoccupied. I am determined to get things done, and to do this, I have to wean myself from my laptop.  For the past few months, I’ve been trying to settle into my new life of being married and being a legal alien.  As Zen, our badminton rocker pal, has told me: “This is America, man.  You can be whatever you want.”   I don’t fully subscribe that I can be whatever I want (or else I’d be touring with Tori Amos or receiving an Oscar by now), but I do agree that America is like tabula rasa for a lot of people who want to change their lives and start anew.

Back home, I had been a number of things but many know me as a teacher because it’s my work.  It’s like an official label.  Many, too, know me as a musician because I’ve been studying it for years.  Some, as a theater artist and actor because I’ve done that for quite a while.  A few know that I craft.  Even fewer, that I write.

Here’s a question: how do I see myself?  I know I can do all of those things, but when asked, I usually say I’m a music teacher (or was).  But every time I say it, a voice in my head chastises me for lying.  Deep in my heart, I want to say, “I’m an artist”.  But being a shy person, I don’t want to get into details and explain my life’s journey.  Because that’s what I am.  I am a living map of the places I’ve built.  I am continents and unfathomable waters.  I am peaks and trenches.  I’ve created my planet by living it.  And I like it.  It’s not Nirvana but I am pleased with what I’ve made.

And I want to do more.  I want to continue my journey in this new place. I want to teach again.  I want to continue working on my craft pieces and make a living by selling them.  I want to write again and get published.  Most of all, I want to perform again.  I miss the theatre, the crazy pace and the smell of it.  I miss being with other musicians, singing or playing an instrument or both.  I want to start composing again: to forget the songs I’ve lost; to compile anew.

And this is why I’ve been a negligent blogger.  I’ve commenced my new journey in earnest.  I’ve set the first stone for a new peak.  I think I’ve finally begun to really live again.

Tee shirt: Abercrombie and Fitch, a gift

Bead bracelet: a prototype I made years ago

Tan high-heeled sandals:  Crocs (You hear that, Time Gunn?)

Finally, this Nike golf skort.  I loved this skort the moment I laid eyes on it in the Nike Golf store back home.  It was very expensive and I just couldn’t justify buying it with my meager teacher’s salary.  So I visited it every time I went to that shopping arcade (in Greenhills, if you know it).  I waited for it to go on sale.  Fortunately, it was so expensive nobody was buying the last piece.  Then, half-a-year later, I succumbed to it.  I wish this story had a happy ending like it was 50% off or something.  But, no.  I bought it as a gift to myself with my Christmas bonus.  And I don’t regret it for one minute. 🙂

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5 thoughts on “What I Want to be When I Grow Up

  1. Adelle says:

    I wish I can remember what I wanted to be when I grew up. “Be a doctor” was drilled into my head when I was young until I graduated high school. I did what my parents have asked of me and, although I’m not unhappy, I sometimes wish I can take time off to find what I really want to do in life.

    Great post! I’ll be lurking between rounds. 🙂

  2. I love the way you bring the conclusion you managed to be what you wanted to be when you were young!
    I guess I’m really close to what I want to be when I grow up.

    Thanks, modobs! I’m happy to know that you are living your childhood dream. Or close to it. 🙂

  3. cuz says:

    hey who says teacher’s aren’t crafty? your music classes tend to be fun and the quizzes you make tend to vary from being easy to the I want to bang my head on the piano hard. 😉 It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out there’s a lot of “crafting” involved in the process though hands seem to take a back seat against the brain. hihihi

    I guess it all boils down to just doing what you want and putting yourself into what your set your mind sets you to do in action. Everyone is an artist, a craftsman, a businessman and everything else in between because ideas are often generated within the mind; ideas which do not dwell on a single topic but wandering to different interests. Perhaps these ideas and interests are what makes us be anybody we want at a certain time. We just have to act on it with much gusto and passion. Thinking about those interests makes us artists of our own right due to our capacity to change and to create with all the passion within us. (okay I’m blabbering again haha)

    I’m going to bug you again haha. Post a video of you playing the piano again. 😀 😀 😀

    Your skirt makes you look younger and girlier. Great find despite the price. As they say, in fashion, if you want it badly..get it! A good wardrobe is a great investment for the future (not necessarily applied in the financial aspect of it) 😉 haha

    PS: go back to the Philippines and go to divisoria..I swear by it because I bought a leather laptop bag for only 350 pesos, similar to those they sell at Power Mac stores haha or or go to Thailand. Bangkok’s bargain malls are wayyyy cheaper than the ones here. Dresses could go for as low as 250 pesos haha.

    I’ve been to Divisoria but it’s not as fun as ukay. 😛

    I’m giddy to learn that my quizzes were that exciting. I wish you got up and really banged your head on the piano, though. That would have earned my awe and a trip to the clinic. 😀

  4. Sue says:

    You definitely can claim you are a WRITER! Every time I read your blog, I marvel at your writing. Writing, crafting, play musical instrutments are all a form of Art from your creative mind. I was watching “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” last night – You can be anything you want to be, it just take imagination!

    Pure imagination!

    Thank you so much, Sue. Reading your comment really made my day! 😀

  5. Funnily enough, I am sort of what I wanted to be when I was little. Except I was sure I’d be married to the guy who played Gilbert Blythe in the “Anne of Green Gables” movies…

    My mom always said that you can’t claim to be something unless you’re doing it. So, if you’re not acting you’re not an actor, etc. Therefore, I see no reason for you not to boldly (and with big arm gestures) proclaim to the world that you’re an artist. Everything you tell us you’re doing, everything you show us you’ve made, every outfit you put on – all art.

    Argh. So sorry to have seen this only now.

    You are lucky to be doing what you wanted to do since you were little, Gilbert Blythe actor or no. A lot of people don’t. Your mom is a wise woman. 🙂 As always, thank you for the encouragement. Maybe I should start paying you what I should be paying a shrink, eh? Heehee

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