Are you what you wanted to be when you were little?
If I haven’t been a diligent blogger of late, it’s because I’ve been preoccupied. I am determined to get things done, and to do this, I have to wean myself from my laptop. For the past few months, I’ve been trying to settle into my new life of being married and being a legal alien. As Zen, our badminton rocker pal, has told me: “This is America, man. You can be whatever you want.” I don’t fully subscribe that I can be whatever I want (or else I’d be touring with Tori Amos or receiving an Oscar by now), but I do agree that America is like tabula rasa for a lot of people who want to change their lives and start anew.
Back home, I had been a number of things but many know me as a teacher because it’s my work. It’s like an official label. Many, too, know me as a musician because I’ve been studying it for years. Some, as a theater artist and actor because I’ve done that for quite a while. A few know that I craft. Even fewer, that I write.
Here’s a question: how do I see myself? I know I can do all of those things, but when asked, I usually say I’m a music teacher (or was). But every time I say it, a voice in my head chastises me for lying. Deep in my heart, I want to say, “I’m an artist”. But being a shy person, I don’t want to get into details and explain my life’s journey. Because that’s what I am. I am a living map of the places I’ve built. I am continents and unfathomable waters. I am peaks and trenches. I’ve created my planet by living it. And I like it. It’s not Nirvana but I am pleased with what I’ve made.
And I want to do more. I want to continue my journey in this new place. I want to teach again. I want to continue working on my craft pieces and make a living by selling them. I want to write again and get published. Most of all, I want to perform again. I miss the theatre, the crazy pace and the smell of it. I miss being with other musicians, singing or playing an instrument or both. I want to start composing again: to forget the songs I’ve lost; to compile anew.
And this is why I’ve been a negligent blogger. I’ve commenced my new journey in earnest. I’ve set the first stone for a new peak. I think I’ve finally begun to really live again.
Tee shirt: Abercrombie and Fitch, a gift
Bead bracelet: a prototype I made years ago
Tan high-heeled sandals: Crocs (You hear that, Time Gunn?)
Finally, this Nike golf skort. I loved this skort the moment I laid eyes on it in the Nike Golf store back home. It was very expensive and I just couldn’t justify buying it with my meager teacher’s salary. So I visited it every time I went to that shopping arcade (in Greenhills, if you know it). I waited for it to go on sale. Fortunately, it was so expensive nobody was buying the last piece. Then, half-a-year later, I succumbed to it. I wish this story had a happy ending like it was 50% off or something. But, no. I bought it as a gift to myself with my Christmas bonus. And I don’t regret it for one minute. 🙂