I have been remiss in my blogging, sorry. Sometimes I fall into a foggy haze, and, when I do, I resort to silence and solitude. Often, sound, not words, best describe how I’m feeling. And lately I’ve been feeling quite blerrrgh. Maybe it’s because…
- .. of the dreary dark days. I’ve been waiting for the right light to photograph my new creations, but it’s been one gray day after another. Last Sunday was sunny, but B. and I went out to play badminton and to hang out with friends for superbowl dinner. Ergo, no pics.
- .. of the biting cold. For the few of you who read this blog (:( ), I think I’ve mentioned before that we don’t use the centralized heating in our apartment. By choice. We think it’s inefficient and a huge waste of energy. So, it’s kind of difficult to wear what I want sometimes because I’ll just have to wear something over it, and I feel it’s fake to take my outfit-of-the-day pics if I’m not really wearing it for the day.
- .. I often feel like I’m alone in this. It’s my fault. I have always been camera shy. Every time people ask me to pose, I act like a buffoon because I feel awkward and unattractive. That’s why I never asked B. for help in taking pictures of me for this blog. I mean, because I’m unfamiliar with our camera and new at taking pictures, it takes me around 30 shots to get a few good ones. If I ask B. to do it, I’d feel like I’m imposing even though he’d be happy to do it. I don’t know. I’ve been creating things all by myself my whole life that I have yet to learn how to allow people in my private world of make-believe.
- .. it’s a lot of work. Blogging takes me at least a couple of hours because I take pictures, edit, write, edit, visit my favorite blogs, comment (sometimes), visit my facebook page where some people write me, respond, then when B. comes home and reads my post, I edit again if he finds a typo. With all that hard work, sometimes it disheartens me when I feel nobody’s reading this anyway. What am I doing posting tutorials or sharing bits about my life when people don’t care? I’m not blogging for fame or money. It’s about sharing, really. Finding like-minded people through the blogosphere. Having comment-conversations. Exchanging ideas.
- .. I miss having pets.
As far as I can remember, we’ve always had at least one dog because of my father who was like the neighborhood dog whisperer. We’d always be given runts of the litter because people knew they would thrive under my dad’s care. Later, in high school, my mom allowed me to have cats. They all loved my dad, too. I’ve always associated having pets with him. When he passed away suddenly, I was devastated and thought I’d never stop crying. Taking care of an animal was one way of keeping myself connected to him. Sadly, I had to leave my 3 dogs behind and B. and I can’t have pets for now. Good thing I brought Joyful with me. A gift from my mom more than 10 years ago, he is our surrogate pet puppy. You may recognize him:
So there. I apologize for the angst. On a positive note, B. and I played badminton today and had a whole lot of fun. Hooray for being active and playing with my best friend! I’m looking forward to sore limbs and butt tomorrow. 🙂