I stopped making New Year’s resolutions in my latter years in college. That is, I stopped writing them down in my journals. My handwriting stating my promises for the new year on the first page of a special notebook was powerful to me. It tells me it’s final. I can’t slack off. I have to do these things or else my brave words will taunt me when I read them a year later. But I do slack off and, a year later, they do taunt me.
But not writing my resolutions down doesn’t mean that, in the back of my head, I don’t have any.
This new year, I didn’t write down the following:
1. Even if I’m not going to, get dressed like I am going out.
When I know I’ll be staying home (and these days, that’s every day), I have gotten used to wearing crap. It’s not like I own crap. It’s just that I don’t bother to take time to mix them up to make them into an outfit. Because of the cold, I just pile things on knowing I’ll be wearing a jacket anyway. (Incidentally, B. and I don’t use central heating because we think it’s inefficient and a huge waste of energy. We have a little portable heater, a heated blanket, and lots of sweaters and jackets. Like he told his friends, our place is a meat locker. Some of them think we’re crazy.) So, because I’m not feeling what I’m wearing, I don’t fix myself up. I walk around with my horrible bed hair, geek glasses, piles of tops and bottom, a jacket, and socks. All mismatched and I didn’t care.
The weird thing is, when I do go out, I care about how I look. I want to like what I’m wearing. It’s part of the me that I present to the world. I took great care in choosing my clothes, why not wear them everyday?
Now that I have my workstation and music room, when B. leaves the house, I go to “work” in my workstation and music room. That, for me, is worth dressing up nicely for.
2. Be more fit.
There are years when I’m meaty and there are years when I’m stick thin. Ahhh, the younger days, I miss you! I could go running 5 KM everyday for 3 days and, immediately after that, the fat melts away. Now that I’m older, my metabolism is sloooooower. It doesn’t help that B. loves to cook and I love eating.
Note that I didn’t write: “lose 10 pounds” or “never eat dinner after 6 PM”. I am wiser enough to know those vows don’t work for me. But I will say I’m going to do something active everyday and if I fail to, I’m not going to feel bad about it. I know it sounds slacker-ish but I’m not going to go on a guilt-ridden food binge because of failed expectations.
3. Do what I love
I am a musician by training. There were times when I’d hunch over my piano non-stop for 12 hours or lock myself in my room for a couple of days because I’d be composing a song. But I’m not breathing music all the time, really. Sometimes the music just turns off and the stories inside of me demand to be written down. Then the beads start calling, “string us up! string us up!”. Then the sewing machine hollers my name. Then the hammer. Then something else.
I used to feel terrible about this, thinking the itch to do something else is merely a lack of dedication to one thing. I read about how my beloved composers spend their every waking minute on music and nothing else. But that isn’t me. And the ability and love to do other things besides music makes me happy. It makes me ME.
How about you? Did you NOT make any resolutions this year?Have a joyfully creative and creatively joyful day everyone! Man Hands Lizzie